Weekend Update

One of the top stories since last Wednesday has been the record-setting sales of guns across the U.S. following the election of Barack Obama. The Columbus Dispatch reported this morning that one gun shop near Salt Lake City sold nine "assault weapons" on the day following the election. A young mother in Virginia was interviewed while buying one of five guns she has plans to purchase before Obama takes office in January (article). I can appreciate the fact that her "family relies on game for food," but suspect that an additional five guns, on top of the guns they've been using for their subsistence, might suggest something greater. It seems that paranoid radicals are quickly building an arsenal of weapons--and this might be the most important part--of the semiautomatic variety.

Do they know something that we latte-sipping urban elitists don't know? I think a revolution is brewing.

I can empathize with the gun enthusiasts. I was enthralled with the anthems of punk bands that were warning of the police state of a corrupt government that was manipulated by a wealthy upper class. These politi-punk kids dreamed of peaceful anarchy but seemed ready to fight (ideally with a Molotov cocktail) to "smash the state." Similarly, pro-gun activists want to be able to protect themselves from the government, should an occasion arise. It makes sense in a paranoid kind of way.

But when we're talking about an AK-47, we're not talking about hunting for game or protecting one's family from an intruder. We're talking about an apocalypse. We're talking about an all-out war against the un-dead.

That's right: Zombies. I don't know much about them, so I'll wrap up my dissertation, but let us all take a moment to not only reflect on the charmed life we've led until this point but also the impending zombie war and the revolution that might just end it.
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In other news, I was interested to learn that getting the NRA to endorse McCain was like pulling teeth. This has me wondering if the paranoid radical conservatives would have been spurred to buy more guns had the election gone the other way. Then I remember the zombie war--which causes me to forget the previous thought--and I am comforted that a few brave men and women, and their children, will save the earth from tyranny after all.
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Also, over the weekend I witnessed a parked car with a license plate that read "NO OBAMA." I suspect the man or woman has a pretty impressive tattoo on his/her forehead that says "No Clinton" from the election in 1992 or something else that was temporally relevant and will forever after be out-dated. It has me wondering if "NOBAMA" was already taken. I'm not sure this person supports McCain--or Hillary Clinton or Ralph Nader for that matter. Although we can all agree he/she is definitely an Obama-hater. Either way, I was floored at the hilarity of the choice. I mean, I am stupid enough to wear bright blue shoes, knicker-length shorts, and a beanie-like cap every now and again, but the next day I could be naked as a blue jay.
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I still have shingles. It sucks and I have some blisters on my hand. I feel like Quasimodo.

+ Happy Birthday to Sue Love who came to celebrate in Columbus this weekend! Woop woop!